ANXIETY... maybe we just need to get out more?
I've had it all wrong people!!!! or I was half way there ...
Edgar spends her Monday to Friday eating her 5 cups of vegetables and 3 servings of fruit, wakes up early to go to f45, enjoys an arvo nature walk with her neighbours dog and sees her friends on a Saturday night to get crruuuuunnnnkkkkk.
Daryl might end up at the Burleigh Heads Hotel on a Monday night to get the $12 Parmi and Pint special (what a steal), lives for Snitty Wednesdays, enjoys an arvo surf with his mates and a beer afterwards, gets up early to walk the pups and cease the day at 5am and skates to the girls at The Fruit Shop every morning for a bit of community building and a peanut butter acai bowl.
Edgar may seem to spend more time on her physical health in order to assist her mental health ... but still suffers from intense anxiety episodes and pointless freakouts over a sausage.
Daryl I don't think ... even knows what anxiety is.
Anxiety is a newish thing for me and it's a massive pain in my cute Nicki Minaj butt, if I'm being quite frank - FRANK! (who's frank!?). Because I am my own personal guinea pig (meow), I have worked out why, when and how it comes on (yay for all you other anxious Marlin's) (handsies!).
Tip 1: Look at when you become most anxious and think about what you have done differently leading up to it.
I began to look at my life and really think about the time when I was like Daryl and didn't even know what anxiety was (seems foreign now). Boarding school was when my mental health was the strongest, well in comparison to the 3 years prior (koo - koo). I now realise that despite craving time alone and preferring to be by myself a lot of the time, sharing a room or constantly being around other people with similar outlooks is the 'happy pill' that I needed.
When you surround yourself constantly with people that you can naturally be yourself around, there isn't all of this time to overthink who you are.
Tip 2: You may think you are an introvert... but maybe you'll be less of a control freak if you spend more time around people that bring you company, connection and joy.
I am similar to Edgar in the sense that (well, Edgar is me)---- in my mind I think that I am doing everything right ... but this neat routine isn't being balanced with constant communication and catch ups with my 'tribe' (soul stretching).
I am reading a book at the moment that talks about loneliness. He discusses that the order of anxiety and loneliness gets confused. We often seem to think that loneliness stems from anxiety whereas, it is actually the other way round.
Being lonely = anxiety
When you think about it, it makes total sense considering we are social beings and we are made to work in tribes, not in isolation.
Tip 3: Look at your week differently
When I am trying to get perspective on my anxiety, I think about people that I know who are like Daryl. They don't seem to worry, they have fun with their days and they don't sweat the small stuff.
The top 3 'unanxious' people that I KNOW (know meaning, I know them well enough that it isn't a front) are ... 1. My brother, 2. My little brother and 3. My Brad Pitt boyfriend. Now, I am not suggesting that we all need to become like Dave, Chip and Drew (that automatically stresses me out) but I do think there is a reason why females experience higher rates of anxiety (physiology-yes) ... but also because we like to spend more time alone because it feels safe and less exhausting (not everyone obviously).
So when you are approaching your week, I'd suggest trying to stop splitting it up like jail time on Monday to Friday and using Saturday and Sunday as parole (party, alcohol and raging, anxiety attack).
Stop living for the weekends
- Monday night: boxing with a friend
- Tuesday night: date night (reow)
- Wednesday night: comedy night with the gang (pizza and beer special - yeow!!!)
- Thursday night: rotate cooking meals with a group of friends
Tip 4: You are not an island
I think sometimes ... we can see ourselves as an island and we need to spend the week grooming and caring for our island. But with this we become a little bit self-obsessed without even realising it and when we do step outside of our island and venture to the mainland, there is too much pressure to be 'perfect'.
We are social beings and we need to stay in contact with our people. It's quite easy for me to fall into the trap of cooking myself a healthy dinner, going to bed at 7:30pm and waking up at 5:15 to go to the gym by myself. Which makes me feel good on one layer of my brain onion ... however, there is a significant layer that needs socialisation (chit-chat exercise), humour and thinking.
Tip 5: Communication before alcohol --- 'Hangxiety'
'Hangxiety' is probably where 70% of my anxiety stems from. The simple answer to that would be ... stop drinking so much. However (that is not an option) (I'm kidding) ... (but it is difficult to work on socialising more and no drinking at the same ... particularly being a 23 year old Aussie with a cute Nicki Minaj ass. Rather than trying to go cold turkey and making yourself feel like an outcast by having to drive yourself to every party --- have a different relationship with your poison.
If Edgar hasn't caught up with anyone all week and is left having conversations with herself ... when Saturday poison night comes along she is likely to turn into Oprah Winfrey and bore everyone with her many pointless issues and epiphanies that happened throughout the week. She is also more likely to use alcohol as an anxiety escape or get over excited, loose control, blackout and wake up on Sunday feeling confused and guilty (the pits).
Whereas, Daryl goes home after he has stacked it on his skateboard with his acai bowl in one hand and cappuccino in the other ... rants to his roommate Brian and another mate in the surf later. When Daryl hits Saturday night, he settles in for fun rather than a counselling session with anyone that's listening ---- do you get the gist...?
Anxiety sucks ... it's annoying, overrides consciousness and is incredibly exhausting. Sometimes we need to use the comfort and communication of others to distract our minds from becoming trapped within our island. Because at the end of the day, anxiety is really just a conversation with ourselves...
THAT AIN'T LIVIN BARRY!!!!
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#anxiety #socialisation #friends #expectations #perfectionism #fun #lifestyle